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Kelly Stone Gamble

BLOG: 6's & 7'S

The Grammar Police

7/30/2012

22 Comments

 
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You know who they are. Those online friends that live for the day when they catch a grammar error or, heaven forbid, a misspelled word on your Facebook status. They troll the boards, looking for 'to' instead of 'too', 'perhaps' instead of 'maybe' or that missing comma that inadvertently makes your sentence about having a lovely dinner with Grandma a cannibalistic reference to actually eating Grandma.  We all have them---those friends that act as the grammar police---and I like to antagonize them.

I don't correct my Facebook statuses. I think it is far more important for my friends to know about the local weather than to worry about whether it is going to rain or rein. And besides, it gives the grammar police something to do. When I make an error, whether in haste or just being me, I sit back, and wait. Who will be the first? I can picture at least twenty of my friends, reading it, tapping their fingers beside the keyboard, debating with their inner voices whether to say anything or leave it alone. They can't leave it alone.


Five-four-three-two-one. 

GP: You mean 'rain' not 'rein'. Rein is a leather strap. Rain is a weather related term.   

ME: Okay. Its going to rain today.

GP: You mean 'it's'.

ME: Okay. It's going too rain today.

GP: You mean 'to'.

ME: I did say 'to'. 'To-day'

GP: No, that's not what I meant.

ME: You mean thats.

GP: No, I mean that's! That-apostrophe-s! That is! That is what I meant!

ME: Oh. Sorry. Gotta go find my embrella.

Of course, they have grammatically correct Facebook statuses, and I'm sure they read it, edited it, reworded it at least six times before proudly hitting the 'post comment'. Each word has gone through spellchecker, every period and comma is perfectly placed, citations are in the correct bibliographical format. I wait for them to post a really long one.

ME: You missed a comma.

GP: Where? No, I didn't. Where?

ME: Second sentence. I looked in Strunk and White. Should be a comma. Just thought you'd like to know.  (Like I would actually bother looking up the correct usage of anything from a Facebook status in S&W) 

As if an alert has sounded, the other grammar police will converge on the page and a major discussion will begin about the worthiness of the post and whether or not any sins of syntax have been committed.


After all, there is nothing better than catching one of their own.  


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22 Comments
Beth link
7/30/2012 10:44:33 am

Uh oh. Your gonna piss someone off. Note the purposeful misuse of your. Love it!

Reply
KSG
7/30/2012 10:48:06 am

Thanks, Beth. Notice I didn't mention any names. :)

Reply
Todd Moody link
7/30/2012 09:35:50 pm

Have you seen this one Kelly? Right up this alley, it's one of my favorites. http://m.youtube.com/watch?v=N4vf8N6GpdM

Reply
KSG
7/30/2012 09:44:59 pm

I started to call this Grammar Nazis, but didn't want Nazis to come up in my search words. LOL

Reply
Derek Flynn
7/30/2012 09:40:41 pm

Love it K! And it's so funny because it's so true. Love the new blog as well. Best of luck with it ;-)

Reply
KSG
7/30/2012 09:47:02 pm

Thanks, Derek. I needed somewhere that I could write some light and fun posts. I should have done it a long time ago.

Reply
Stephen T. Harper
7/31/2012 12:35:37 am

This is a much needed service, Kelly. Can you also do something about my autospell? Good lock with the site!

See? (that was real, btw - I didn’t edit it)

Reply
KSG
7/31/2012 12:38:45 am

Thanks, Stephen. When the day comes I have to pay an editor to go over my Facebook posts, I'm going to be broke. Thanks for the good lock wish!

Reply
Erica Lucke Dean link
7/31/2012 02:05:46 am

I'm a grammar cop, but I swear I only pull over the really serious offenders. I'm talking those statuses that are meant to be written in English, but come off as some dead language from some ancient civilization. Yeah, I'm talking Ebonics. No one actually speaks Ebonics anymore, do they? I mean, seriously? Miss a comma, I don't care. Grandma will get over it (I mean, as long as you only miss a comma, not actually serve her for dinner) But if you dare say, "I been had dat bitch already, bra..." Yeah, that status update is going down in a ball of flame, if you know what I mean. I love your new blog by the way :)

Reply
KSG
7/31/2012 06:08:41 am

Thanks for the blog love. You don't mind groovy talk, I hope?

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Ciara Ballintyne link
7/31/2012 09:40:46 am

I admit bad facebook posts make my fingers itch. But... not the ones you're talking about. No, the ones that drive me crazy are this type:

"got this thing for sushi always said f--ken yuck one taste im hooked but you can still taste seeweed two f--ked days after when u burp now i know how my little mermaid must feel"

OK, not too many spelling errors, but you have to mentally insert commas to make sense of it.

Or this is another favourite:

"Thankyou to my beautiful kate who has been lookin after me jay, nate n hunter while we been sick with gastro n emptyin the lovely spew buckets uv done a good job babe xoxo at least wen u get sik ul have all us runnin after u xo"

Reply
KSG
7/31/2012 12:15:38 pm

Those are great! I think I know those people. LOL

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Christina Carson link
7/31/2012 02:24:46 pm

Very funny. Think ants. Then think sugar. Hear they come!!

Reply
KSG
7/31/2012 04:10:54 pm

I like that, Christina!

Reply
Kellianne Sweeney
8/1/2012 01:08:06 am

Snazzy new blog Kelly. I know grammar well but I it gives me a weird joy to play with it.

Reply
KSG
8/1/2012 09:03:20 am

Thanks, Kellianne. I get in a hurry on facebook. I'm usually having a conversation, so I don't bother with editing/perfecting it. See, I won't even correct the "I" "it" in your comment above. See it. Don't care. LOL

Reply
Kathy Lynn Hall link
8/1/2012 03:03:04 pm

I love this!! You are a funny, funny lady - and, of course, groovy too! One question - is numbnuts a bad word? If so, forget that I used it to describe the grammar police. If not, go ahead and apply as directed.

Reply
KSG
8/1/2012 03:21:51 pm

I think 'numbnuts' is a perfectly acceptable word. If the point of social media is getting a message across, well, I know what you mean when you say numbnuts, and I won't forget it!

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jenifer badamo
8/2/2012 11:42:34 pm

I love it, buddy!! My mother is the original "grammar Nazi," that's why I check and double check all of my posts. If I occasionally miss something, that "Catholic guilt" kicks in because my mother holds her head down in shame and denies the fact that I'm her daughter. LOL Love ya!

Reply
KSG
8/2/2012 11:47:52 pm

LOL. Gotta love mothers.

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Daisy
8/4/2012 09:04:10 am

I do solemnly sweat to proof my posts

Reply
KSG
8/5/2012 01:49:51 am

LOL. Solemnly sweat on a stack of Bibbles?

Reply



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