The Grammar Police

You know who they are. Those online friends that live for the day when they catch a grammar error or, heaven forbid, a misspelled word on your Facebook status. They troll the boards, looking for 'to' instead of 'too', 'perhaps' instead of 'maybe' or that missing comma that inadvertently makes your sentence about having a lovely dinner with Grandma a cannibalistic reference to actually eating Grandma.  We all have them---those friends that act as the grammar police---and I like to antagonize them.

I don't correct my Facebook statuses. I think it is far more important for my friends to know about the local weather than to worry about whether it is going to rain or rein. And besides, it gives the grammar police something to do. When I make an error, whether in haste or just being me, I sit back, and wait. Who will be the first? I can picture at least twenty of my friends, reading it, tapping their fingers beside the keyboard, debating with their inner voices whether to say anything or leave it alone. They can't leave it alone.

Five-four-three-two-one. 

GP: You mean 'rain' not 'rein'. Rein is a leather strap. Rain is a weather related term.   

ME: Okay. Its going to rain today.

GP: You mean 'it's'.

ME: Okay. It's going too rain today.

GP: You mean 'to'.

ME: I did say 'to'. 'To-day'

GP: No, that's not what I meant.

ME: You mean thats.

GP: No, I mean that's! That-apostrophe-s! That is! That is what I meant!

ME: Oh. Sorry. Gotta go find my embrella.

Of course, they have grammatically correct Facebook statuses, and I'm sure they read it, edited it, reworded it at least six times before proudly hitting the 'post comment'. Each word has gone through spellchecker, every period and comma is perfectly placed, citations are in the correct bibliographical format. I wait for them to post a really long one.

ME: You missed a comma.

GP: Where? No, I didn't. Where?

ME: Second sentence. I looked in Strunk and White. Should be a comma. Just thought you'd like to know.  (Like I would actually bother looking up the correct usage of anything from a Facebook status in S&W) 

As if an alert has sounded, the other grammar police will converge on the page and a major discussion will begin about the worthiness of the post and whether or not any sins of syntax have been committed.

After all, there is nothing better than catching one of their own.  

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