 Self Portrait with 100 Foot Willy~Dean Harkness, Artist I am a nurse and have been for a very long time. I talk about things at dinner that would make most people hurl. Seeing the human body, usually at its worst, is commonplace for me. Not a big deal. What does bother me is how the male human species cannot refer to certain body parts by the correct term. Women have no problem saying 'breast' or 'vagina', but men? Different story. So let's talk about penises. Yes, P-E-N-I-S. It is the proper word to use when referring to the male reproductive organ (by the way, it has other uses, too). It is a body part, similar to a foot or in most cases, a pinkie finger. However, men discovered theirs at the age of one, and I swear, by the age of 80, they still haven't lost their fascination with it. But as your nurse, I am not impressed, I am not in awe of its presence, I don't care if you can tie cherry stems into a knot with it or if it speaks five different languages. And let's call it what it is, shall we? It is not a Willy or a Johnson. It is not a tool, a soldier, a love gun, any kind of a monster or a trouser snake. It's definitely not the Incredible Hulk, in fact, if it's green, I'm not coming within fifty feet of it. For God's sake, it's not a wiener, what are you, five? And please don't call it Mr. Happy. If I'm seeing it, I'm probably getting ready to catheterize it, and he doesn't look too happy to me. Repeat after me: PE-NIS. It's not a dirty word. Dean Harkness is an amazing artist from the country of Norfolk in South East England. He is also an awesome nice guy. Except if you use his work, including the one above, without his express, written permission. Then you are likely to get your ass sued. Please visit his website Follow him on Twitter @Deanus Check out his fantastic blog Stalk him on Facebook Self Portrait with 100 Foot Willy~Dean Harkness, Artist (Do not distribute or reproduce without the express permission of the Artist)  NOT a real catheter. Catheter Trivia: Benjamin Franklin invented the flexible catheter in 1752 when his brother suffered from bladder stones. Franklin's catheter was made of METAL with segments hinged together and a wire enclosed to provide rigidity during insertion.
Think about that for just a moment.
57 Comments
Hahaha! Oh Kelly, thank you so much for including my drawing and all those links in this excellent post.
KSG
8/12/2012 08:25:03 pm
See? My blog can be educational as well as entertaining. :) Thanks so much for letting me share your art. Magnificent.
Dean
8/12/2012 08:41:01 pm
btw I was originally going to call that illustration Self Portrait With Forty Foot Willy, but I got carried away ;-) 8/12/2012 08:22:18 pm
Just the thought of that catheter makes me want to cross my legs.
KSG
8/12/2012 08:23:47 pm
Very serious. That's why they name it. lol 8/12/2012 08:57:46 pm
I have a group of students I need you to come speak to. Just give this exact blog post, verbatim. Love it!
KSG
8/12/2012 09:12:11 pm
I had to laugh last night because I had a patient that called it his Dachsund. LOL. That's a new one even for me. 8/13/2012 04:27:17 am
Reminds me of the Les Barker poem:
Dionne
8/12/2012 09:03:49 pm
Too funny. I guess they give it names because it has a life of its own? I have a friend who's a nurse and I love her stories. Thanks for sharing such an amusing story Kelly :).
KSG
8/12/2012 09:13:17 pm
I think when you are a nurse, you have to learn to laugh about certain things. This definitely being one.
Tyler Fish
8/12/2012 09:45:16 pm
Fantastic as usual!! <3
KSG
8/12/2012 10:07:59 pm
Thanks, Tyler. :)
KSG
8/12/2012 10:33:59 pm
He can read? Impressive.
Derek Flynn
8/12/2012 10:23:56 pm
Ha! Well that was worth the wait Kelly and Dean! BTW, maybe it's an Irish thing but there's two other words guys over here u
KSG
8/12/2012 10:35:00 pm
Not sure it's an Irish thing. There are some others I chose to leave out. Gotta keep it clean, you know. lol
KSG
8/13/2012 04:31:17 am
Thanks, Jane.
KSG
8/13/2012 04:32:55 am
All wonderful terms we use, true. However, I've never had a female patient refer to it in this manner. Men--different story.
Dean
8/13/2012 04:53:55 am
That's what I thought on reading Tim's comment. In a hospital situation women use the correct names because it's appropriate and the least embarrassing. Men on the other hand seem to have a real problem calling it what it is in any situation at all.
KSG
8/13/2012 04:33:31 am
Thanks, Sharon. I love the artwork, too, don't you? 8/13/2012 03:49:30 am
I can go with 'stuff'' or 'junk' but Willie or Johnson? Where on earth did those come from?
KSG
8/13/2012 04:34:22 am
I don't know where Willy came from, but I remember when I was a teenager (a long time ago) they had "Johnson" T-shirts that guys used to wear. Really weird. 8/13/2012 05:01:43 am
I usually refer to mine as "The Hobbit" or "Twisted Gnome" in police company. 8/13/2012 05:05:41 am
And by that I mean "polite company." When in the company of police I call it "The Hamburglar."
Dean
8/13/2012 05:12:27 am
LOL! I hope I never get to find out what I call mine in police company. 8/13/2012 06:28:01 am
Hahaha. That was awesome. At this point, I'm just picturing you singing "Whether you can tie it in a knot or tie it in a bow, or even sling it over your shoulder like a Continental soldier, does your penis hang low?"
KSG
8/13/2012 10:42:47 am
You could hum that into a recorder and we'll add some music to this. LOL 8/13/2012 08:43:34 am
Too funny! Had to make Hubby and Teen Son read this so they understand what not to say to the nurse. Son was confused by the picture until his Dad said "that's why girls called him Mr. Fantastic" at which point he hollered eww and plugged his ears ;) Thank you for this fun article.
KSG
8/13/2012 10:43:55 am
Oh, that is great! My son loves this picture. I may be buying it from Dean and framing it for a Christmas present. 8/13/2012 01:53:05 pm
My rooster prefers to call it a cock, but you don't have to listen to him...he's a dick.
KSG
8/13/2012 01:57:51 pm
I had a patient once that named it Pedro. Yes. I know.
dean
8/13/2012 07:01:57 pm
He will make your wildest dreams come true!
Carrie Kernel
8/13/2012 02:21:10 pm
This made my day !
KSG
8/13/2012 02:33:06 pm
If nothing else, I hope I'm good for a weekly laugh.
KSG
8/13/2012 02:34:00 pm
LOL. I forgot about that movie! I must have a T-shirt now. Brings an entirely different meaning to Pedro for President.
jenifer badamo
8/13/2012 03:16:01 pm
OMG, Kelly!!! I LOVED the entire blog, but I must admit my favorite part was when you wrote about their "fascination." So true! It reminded me of an episode of "Sex and the City" when Samantha shaved a man's pubic hair because he was too hairy down there and he said, "Wow. My dick looks so much bigger now."
KSG
8/13/2012 08:29:14 pm
I loved that show. :)
KSG
8/14/2012 01:27:13 am
I think the title of it is hilarious. :)
KSG
8/14/2012 02:02:18 pm
I swear, every man has a name for theirs. Nice that he includes the twins. :)
andy holloman
8/14/2012 12:11:07 pm
okay, so all these slang / technical terms and not one dick or prick ... c'mon folks ...when i go see the nurse, that's term i use and it gets respect, just sayin'
KSG
8/14/2012 02:03:08 pm
No-one appreciates old school any more, right Andy?
KSG
8/14/2012 07:49:28 pm
I know women name their parts, but I highly doubt that they refer to their breasts as Pinky and Perky when talking to their Doctor or a Nurse. If so, I would bet it is in the Psych ward. :)
KSG
8/14/2012 07:50:25 pm
LOL. No, I don't! But I think I should brush up on my British military history! 8/15/2012 02:58:35 am
wow...saying it like it is KSG. Love your frankness. the pinky finger reference was the best ever :)
KSG
8/15/2012 02:47:26 pm
Frank is my middle name, Well, not really.
Dean
8/18/2012 05:51:09 pm
Todger!
KSG
8/18/2012 06:04:50 pm
That's a new one for me. I'll have to practice using it so I don't forget. Leave a Reply. |
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