My Son Was a Crack Wh@re

When my kids were little, seeing them in their Halloween costumes was as much fun for me as it was for them. But as they got older, the costumes they chose became a lot stranger and sometimes, not as cute. And one particular Halloween, things just got weird.

Theron was fifteen-ish and he and his friends decided they were going trick or treating, or as they called it, begging for free candy. I don't mind teenagers knocking on my door, but if they aren't in costume, it kind of pisses me off. So I told Theron that, and being the good boy he has always been, he decided he would 'create' a costume for the occasion.  Ten minutes later, the crack whore showed up in my living room.

---

"Holy crap," I said. Not just that he had dressed like that and intended to go out in public, but because he really did look like a crack whore. I mean, how do you go from this:

To this?:

I had to smile at his creativity, but he was so realistic, I was a little bit worried. The wrong house, he might get the wrong kind of candy.

"Don't worry," he said when I told him to bring me his bag so I could check the contents, "my friend is dressing as my pimp."

Great. I felt so much better.

I debated letting him leave the house, knowing he'd be throwing some of those poses that I'd just seen in my living room. But, in the end, I had to give in. It was just too good not to share with the neighbors.

So I kissed my little crack whore goodbye, gave her a pillow case for candy, and sent her out into Vegas on a candy beg with my final words of advice:

"Fine. Stay off the Strip and when you say Trick or Treat, if anyone says 'do a trick', run like Hell."

---

Note to haters: My son is now an adult and gave me his permission to do this, so lighten up.