Butt Chugging and Presidential Elections

This is how you drink wine.

As we Americans approach another episode of Presidential Election Gone Wild, I keep hearing the question "What kind of country do we want to leave to our children?" Of course, this is thrown out there every four years in a effort to make voters feel guilty and convince them to vote for whatever they were going to vote for anyway. But, these are our future leaders, people! And that brings me to: Butt Chugging.

Yes, butt chugging, the trend that has become popular on college campuses of giving oneself an alcohol enema in order to get drunk faster. As if vodka tampons were not enough, now you can bypass the more comfortable cotton tip of a tampon and just stick a tube up your behind, attach a box of cheap wine and give happy hour a whole new meaning. No, it's not a great idea, it's not even a good idea, unless you are trying to die from alcohol poisoning.

Kids, if this were safe and effective, your parents would have figured it out a long time ago. Trust me, they tried worse. I have pictures to prove it. And you know, you have the benefit of technology. You can google it and find out that this is just stupid. Your parents would have had to call the Information Librarian.

Think about how you will explain this party style when you are running for office someday. Although Bill Clinton 'didn't inhale', what is your excuse going to be? I didn't actually squeeze my cheeks together?

And I'm very curious, how do you invite someone to a butt chugging party? "Hey, Mary, wanna help me polish off this cardboard box of wine?"

"Oh, I'm so excited! I just bought a new enema bag, can't wait to show it off!"

And I don't even want to know how beer pong has been advanced in these changing times.

So back to voting. 'What kind of country do we want to leave our children?' Here's an idea. Quit using them as a political talking point, and instead talk to THEM. While you are busy arguing with your friends over the 'issues', they are in a dorm room somewhere butt chugging alcohol.

And kids, pull the tube out of your ass and go vote for the kind of country you want.

NOTE: BUTT CHUGGING IS EXTREMELY DANGEROUS. DO NOT TRY THIS AT HOME!

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