Yoga-Kelly Style

Getting my "inner peace" on

In my never ending quest for inner peace and an easy exercise program, I decided to try yoga. I looked at various exercise programs and after reviewing some, briefly, I had to first eliminate  PX90 (sounded like a video game), Boot Camp (I don't like being yelled at) and Spinning (riding a stationary bike until I sweat blood?-no thanks) So, I settled on yoga. You bend, you hold. How hard could it be?

First, let me say, yoga pants are not cool. Sure, they look great on the 20-something, 100 pound cuties that could wear a thin layer of butter and look good. Even the older, tighter, leaner women who wear them look fine. But for the average person, and I'm a good forty pounds and ten years above average, yoga pants make your butt look like two overcooked bags of Jiffy Pop. 

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Your butt on

Jiffy Pop

And guys, please. Just no. This isn't a remake of the Labyrinth.

Bowie, ready for yoga class

But it doesn't matter what you look like, I mean, it's only a room full of twenty other women and a smattering of men, ready to get their downward dog on. So I squeezed into my 80's rockstar spandex, bought the overpriced roll up piece of rubber and went to a class. Several classes, actually.

Mary's class started off with basic stretching and bending and a few reach for the stars kind of thing that was pretty much my speed. I liked Mary's class. For five minutes. Then she twisted herself in the shape of a pretzel and told us all to do the same. Mine looked more like a Pork Rind.  At the thirty minute mark, I realized two things: I needed an easier class and I needed a beer.

Amanda's Hot Yoga. Candles, soft music, a warm room. I fell asleep before the class even started. I heard later that Amanda had to turn the music up to drown out my snoring.

Sally Anne- "We are all love! Now grab the person nearest to you and give them a big hug!" The person nearest to me was Chewbacca in a mankini. No. Don't touch me. "Now, let's all do the Pretzel!" No. Here's a Funyun for you. And next, the Sleeping Face Down Dog.  

The final class for me was led by some dude named Billy. Billy wanted to talk. And talk. And talk. He sounded like Charlie Brown's teacher, and after ten minutes of "Whaa Whaa Whaa," I found myself curled up on my kindergarten mat, using my rubber brick for a pillow, dreaming of having pretzels and beer with Chewbacca in a bar named the Downward Dog. I was awakened by my own snoring to find Billy and the other yoga-ers staring at me in horror. "I was chanting." Duh.

So although I did create my own yoga pose, the Hibernating Bear, I have decided yoga probably isn't for me.

Maybe I'll try kickboxing.      

Goodreads Book Giveaway

They Call Me Crazy

by Kelly Stone Gamble

Giveaway ends May 01, 2015.

See the giveaway details at Goodreads.

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Beginning
April 6th:
The
Craziest Thing..

We ALL have a little crazy in us, so I ask: What's the craziest thing you have ever done?

Every Monday, meet a new person, right here, sharing their story.

Do you have a great crazy story to tell?
Email me or DM me on Twitter or Facebook and get ready to spill your crazy.