6's & 7'S
and all things crazy
Every college instructor feels that their class is the most important class you will ever take. Of course, as a student, you should never make them feel that you believe differently, at least not if you want to pass their course. However, English IS the most important class you will take in college. And I'm not just saying that because I teach it.
1. When you make a resume and apply for a job, employers do like to see that you are capable of making complete sentences and that your sentences are coherent. "I be graduated with degree and work reel hard for you," is not going to impress anyone. Neither is your improper and overuse of the word 'plethora' or your claim that you 'did alot' (see below).
2. Knowing the correct way to express yourself may keep you from being seen as a total freak. 'I like to cuddle alot' is not a great pickup line. "A lot" is two words. Alot is a large, furry animal that requires constant care, usually smells bad, and at any time, is known to host an estimated one thousand blood sucking ticks. Know the difference.
3. Studies show (informal ones with biased opinions) that people who write well get more dates. Other studies (possibly real ones, but still conducted in bars) show that people who can effectively frame and present an argument are less likely to be deemed an a**hole by their friends and colleagues.
4. Knowing how to punctuate correctly MAY
keep you out of jail:
I have some time to kill. Anyone? OR I have some time to kill anyone.
keep you from getting fired at work:
I called the guests' names. OR I called the guests names.
get you interviewed by the local paper:
I saw a man eating octopus. OR I saw a man-eating octopus.
get you invited back for family dinners:
I want to eat, Grandma. OR I want to eat Grandma.
save your life! (Or mine):
So I went to see this girl last night and while I was there a car wreck happened outside and I stopped to watch but nothing exciting was happening so I went and talked to her but she was really boring so I went back home because my alot is big and cuddly and I would rather be curled up with him watching an episode of Honey Boo Boo than with some girl that doesn't like football and... (Please. Pause. Take a breath. You are going to pass out and my head is going to explode)
5. There is no calculator you can use after college for your writing skills.
6. But most importantly, almost every other course you take in college will require you to write a paper or at least answer an essay exam. Guess where you learn how to do that?
Here is my promise to my students:
You will learn something. There's a chance it may actually be related to English.
I will not treat you like children, however, I may force you to watch Schoolhouse Rock.
Since this is a non-football season semester, I will have nothing to do but focus my attention on your papers. I will read every word. Make each one count.
WISHING EVERYONE A GREAT SEMESTER!
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