6's & 7'S
and all things crazy
Ain’t No Freaking Way aka Why I’ll Never Swim in the Ocean by Dewanna Durbin
You can sum up my life with the phrase “It seemed like a good idea at the time.” *sigh* Let me explain. I’m NOT crazy, contrary to what my family or friends will tell you. I’m a rational, introverted individual who would rather have her nose stuck in a book than verbally interact with most people. People drain me, all the drama, emotions, smells, noise, etc. I love them, but they drain me. Other than a few, I deal better with people on social media than in person. Books, however, are my “Energizer Bunny”, they keep me going and going and going.
The only times I’ve done anything even remotely “crazy” have been around water. The first time was when I was eight years old and Papaw Davis had taken my sister and me fishing after a flood. We were fishing near the bank in an old aluminum boat when I got bored, spied a slender willow tree and decided to “ride it”. Now, for those of you who don’t know what I’m talking about, riding a tree usually takes place in the spring when the sap starts rising in the trees. You pick a slender tree, climb it, hold on, release your feet and ride it to the ground. It’s a lot of fun for young kids. Just don’t pick one too slender or your ride may be to the hospital. It seemed like a good idea at the time since I loathe fishing. Anyway, Papaw turned around and saw me climbing the tree, started cursing, beat me with his cane fishing pole and promptly deposited me on the bank by the truck with the harshly worded instructions to stay in the truck or he’d beat the living tar out of me. I stayed in the truck.
The next occasion occurred when some girlfriends, who shall remain nameless, talked me into climbing the spillway on the lake and jumping off. I went along to make sure no one slipped and fell into the gate in the middle and drowned. It seemed like a good idea at the time since I don’t make friends easily. I almost had a heart attack. I discovered I don’t like heights, at all. That was the one and only occasion THAT happened.
Then there was the time some friends talked me into climbing the fence at the local country club and swimming in the pool. I went along to make sure no one hit their heads on the diving board and drowned since we were all “slightly” inebriated. It seemed like a good idea at the time since I was the only one who knew CPR. Lost a contact on that one, mother was not pleased and I had to wear my glasses until it could be replaced.
Same girlfriends talked me into skinny dipping one night; we got caught by the local po-po, who I’m now married to (that’s another story). And then another time, floating across the lake on mats the day before one of my best girlfriend’s wedding. We were all sunburned and vaguely resembled the state crustacean after they are boiled alive, both in jerky movement and skin tone. Again, I don’t make friends easily. I only went along to make sure no one drowned.
Do you see a recurring theme here? Now, do you see why I won’t swim in the ocean, well, besides the whole Jaws and sea critters thing? Making sure none of my friends drowns has been a lifelong theme for me. I’m sure on our next girlfriend’s beach trip they’ll have some crazy excuse to get me in the water. I’m terrified they will to try to float across and I’m not THAT crazy. Ain’t no freaking way!
We ALL have a little crazy in us, so I ask: What's the craziest thing you have ever done?
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And in the meantime, check out:
The Craziest Thing with Darren R. Leo
The Craziest Thing with Derek Flynn
The Craziest Thing with Erica Lucke Dean
The Craziest Thing with Jerry Underhill
The Craziest Thing with Amy Beech
The Craziest Thing with Lorca Damon
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